Thursday, August 4, 2011

I am never settling down

So I am definitely not remotely interested in anything that might seem like a relationship and yet somehow I've found myself doing very girlfriend like things with someone that I care about but am definitely not into beyond the friends with benefits kinda status.I've made my thoughts on that habit clear to all - it doesn't work and you end up dating someone you don't like and eventually getting hurt by someone you shouldn't have cared about anyway. Once again my best friend has kinda nailed it - there is no medium for me, only on and off.

And then there is the unexpected railroading kinda guy who blasts in and I'm rendered positively twelve years old again. The ridiculous. The totally wrong in nearly every likely way, run the other direction quickly, and do not think twice kinda distraction that comes in the form of a good thinking, handsome looking, kind caring sorta guy. And so I am magneted but unsure if he is, unwilling to settle into wondering. Either he's all in or I'm al out.

But god knows, we as gals are taught to accept the medium. Taught to accept the simple or the ones who like us back even if only for today, but what guy sits in a bar and says - yeah she's maybe a five or a six but I'd totally date her because my clock is ticking and I'd better settle down? I mean seriously, who the eff says that?

And so maybe, I'm not looking for the five or the six, instead I'm looking for the knock my sox off eleven who doesn't make me wonder, doesn't leave me longing, the one that makes me want to climb cliffs at all hours of the night and for whom I would do almost anything to be the girlfriend type.Yep, woo me. I deserve it. The amount I have to offer, the ways I can give, and the ways I want to share are simply not worth any doubt of ambiguity. Because you wouldn't settle, and neither will I.


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