So tonight is one of those nights where I must surround myself with my favorite things to remind me not to be afraid, derailed, or confused by what's ahead. Organic chocolate, organic wine, and an organic version of Humbolt Fog enjoyed after an arugula salad with Goddess dressing and my fabulous echoing amigo Pablo Neruda.
See earlier this afternoon, I spent 90 minutes on the phone with my former husband. Through a clerical error of awesomeness - we are still unfortunately six months away from actually being divorced. I have one of those names that is easily misspelled and sure enough a typo on form one kicked back the whole process and we are again at day zero.
After having witnessed his attendance at a former friend of mine's wedding this past weekend (through the miracle that is facebook) and watching him smile enthusiastically as the couple walked down the same aisle we had done six years ago, I was a bit annoyed. He had no business smiling in our church. He had no business celebrating a marriage when he never intended to make his own work. Compound that now with the issue of being stuck with his last name for another six months and well, so begot a long ass call. Really, we had signed our final divorce papers - damn court. Damn attorney error.
And I know that there are a thousand women and men sitting on their couches right now, flipping through crappy reality tv thinking about their own marriages that didn't work. (And that's just in Los Angeles!) And I know that I am absolutely not alone in being bummed out that the vows I took could have been so disregarded by someone I signed up for forever with. But they were and it sucks. So as much as I thought I was done, finally liberated, ready to sprint, ready to breathe - turns out I have another six months of waiting and that just blows.
Thank god for wine, cheese, chocolate and Neruda.