Friday, May 6, 2011

Naked with Chanel No 5: Day 14 - On hold

The writing only - I'm worn out. Still sticking to the man hiatus plan.

Best decision I've made in years was to put on hold the actions that were most confusing. Clarity is approaching, understanding that disappointment was not from who the men I fell for were, but instead the gap between who they were and who I imagined they could be. I've filled in the mad-lib stories with men - who were just not well matched with me, ready for me, or right for me - and their realities and limitations are becoming more clear. Nothing anyone could have done.

Just yesterday I found myself in a heated negotiation on an already resolved divorce with an eight week ticking clock of closure - for absolutely no reason, except his own fear that someone might be screwing him.  I don't screw people. (Figuratively or literally these days)

I am finding peace with the past but admittedly the process is trying, I am exhausted and ready to sleep. Fighting a cold, determined to accomplish, but for now - tucked in Naked with Chanel No: 5.

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