I sat with a friend this evening watching the sun set through rounded ominous grey clouds and a bright blue sky over the Santa Monica bay. We watched the ending colors of an Easter Vigil. She is a woman who is afraid to open up, skeptic by nature, and her conditions of being raised have made her a protective soul. My reaction to a similar upbringing was quite different in that I am perpetually open heart, seeking love at any cost, drawing in affection, and caring above all else, simply to care. We both hoped we could learn to be more like each other. I want to not fall in love with every man I kiss and thus perpetually hurt, and she dreams to be open to just the notion of love.
I wonder, as I lie here thinking back on a day that canvassed the city - an Easter brunch with new and old friends and a sunset with a woman I've known since I was 15 years old, is my loving nature an asset or a liability? The strength I use when approaching love becomes itself a weakness as I am not powerful enough to protect my own heart that I so freely give away. However to be any different seems impossible.
I don't have much to conclude this evening. All I know is that my heart beats louder than most yet is also more delicate. Tonight, I curl up quietly wondering if there will ever be another safe place for such a strong and fragile soul, Naked with Chanel No 5.