Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Bodies, Chemistry, Connection

Jun 30, 2010
The basic carnal interaction between two bodies should be far more isolating than it is connecting, but our animal instincts are overridden by they very essence that makes us human. We should by nature's rule rest separately, alone, and protected by privacy as we are at our most vulnerable after said expression yet somehow we cling in spoon like fashion with chins pressed against shoulders, and hands resting awkwardly against skin, listening to heartbeats, seeking rest and proximity.

Women, all of us crazy insane women, are drawn to that connection with near generous desperation and crave more, want touch, want repetition, want "him" there again, resting again, feeling again, moving again.

Men, all of those abundantly disconnected distant men, are eager to sprint, dash, seek independence shortly after intimate expression. It's not for the purpose of abandonment, but instead for retreat, regrouping, and a need to renew before re-approaching.

It's basic chemistry and for that I'm totally unsure how the two - the passionately connected man and woman - could ever unite for productive longevity. Precisely, how does a woman connect with a man on such a physically dynamic level with whom she finds life's simple coordination easy and perhaps boring, and conversely - how does a woman feel served emotionally without suffocating a man that makes her body feel like she cannot sleep without him? Or at least she cannot sleep without what he might do to her before she rests?

How might a man do the same?

Because when we are drawn - in it's most basic magnetic sense - a woman's nature is to close in and claim, and a man's nature is to withdraw and protect his self and independence. Yet a woman also will feel the requirement to withdraw from excessive need and therein lies one consistency between the genders. While both want to be wanted, neither wants to be needed, incessantly obsessively needed. And I have learned being needed, being integral, being too important is suffocating.

If I might extract this learning from my own experience, perhaps I shall someday be able to functionally collaborate with the passionate man who instead of needing me to fulfill his own self worth, might ignite my own fiery inspirations and physical desires. Perhaps I can learn to respect his desire for freedom and understand that to me, eventually he will return.

Until then in the intermittent, temporary, and extraordinary, I shall find moments of exhausting release.

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