Friday, November 12, 2010

Day 32 - Abandoning the little girl (40 Days Go Fast)

Nov 12, 2010

Deciding to write on a certain subject for 40 days seems at the onset like an unimaginable task. How might I keep focus on a creative endeavor, how might I be able to pull sufficient material out of my brain on said material, but somehow - it went fast. I'm a week shy of closing the door on composing thoughts about what womanhood might mean when there was once a broken girl trying to be sufficient. I have grown, just a bit taller, just a bit stronger.

Recognizing that I actually abandoned a happy, strong, hopeful little girl about a decade ago, and with that chose to hide as a young lady under applied new rules versus my own intrinsic rules, was actually quite freeing. I have set limits with the men in my life, I have stood up to the tonality of a parental relationship and am quieted by their silence, but comforted in my own space.

To know that I don't have to choose pain, disrespect, and I don't have to give someone permission to be limited while expecting myself to be unlimited, all the while - needing to be relevant, is gently empowering. And most importantly, I don't have to be searching for the One. Because just a little bit every day, I will be a romantic playful little girl, free of the requirements of permanence, perfection, and relevance. Just to be alive, that's a game worth playing!

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