Monday, November 8, 2010

Day 29 - Abandoning the little girl (Starry Nights & Songs)


Nov 8, 2010

Nature has always offered certain anchors in my life, the sight of the little dipper turned upside down showering the purple night sky upon the world, the way all colors green look best when witnessed while lying on grass as leaves are pressed against the ethos' periwinkle, the deep sapphire of the ocean on a fall day, and the pure white of the run silver bells on the slopes of aspen's gray and darkest green treeline. Most of my memories are outdoors.

Sitting under the stars at my first concert, I heard Paul Simon and understood what it felt like to feel in unison. I get teary eyed when I hear Tom Petty's Free Fallin because when I was about 13, I realized it was a song that made me happy. I sobbed at a Springsteen concert. To move with music, to move with a story told that resonates somehow with thousands in Dodger stadium is true power, and I listen to the music of my memories and can re-trace my life and each time I fell in love.

I fall a little bit in love with everyone and imagine every man I know might be a soul mate, which is not to be confused with The One. It is because I feel deeply, passionately, and empathetically. This will never change. I imagine that I will have hundreds of soul mates because I can and will love without restriction. This, I hope does not preclude a life long mate at some point, but it may.

To learn to be unlimited by this power of feeling instead of crushed by its immensity is to learn to swim deep in the ocean with millions of pounds of water overhead and know that despite the depth, one can remain safe.

So with expansive natural anchors and songs that I accompany melodically with a clear voice and a reaching heart, I will grow. I shall remain as unlimited as I always have been and perhaps someday learn to accept this vast requisite range of feelings without fear.

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