Friday, March 20, 2009

Just Breathe

Mar 20, 2009

Stillness and stars hidden under the dark blanket of a luminescent night

I hear your breath and it’s not mine to hear.

I have been here before, young un-tethered, and hungry for something immaculate, something immediate, yet I am no longer young.
I feel the rhythmic beating of your heart and it’s not mine to feel.

I followed this road before as just a virgin in emotions and in self and somehow my innocent senses are reborn.
I sense the passion of this meticulous instant, and it’s not mine to sense.

I know this moment is borrowed from another but I am unwilling to return it.
Stolen warmth, we wrap ourselves briefly in a fire we should not share.

Monday, March 9, 2009

a novel beginning

Mar 9, 2009
some kind of love
The sound of the coffee shop was distinctly different than in previous years. The typical whirring of the milk foaming machine was absent as everyone filed in to order drip coffee or green tea. Times were different and priorities were shifting, belts were tightening and the simple things were more important. That is at least what everyone was telling each other. Whether it was the radio ads offering bailout pricing on mattresses or TVs, or the ever growing prominence of bartered services on the internet, there was one constant message. Everyone needed help from someone to get through the day.
Truthfully this was no different than in times of plenty. People need people. People thrive, breathe, and feel the heartbeat of their world. Everyone’s world feels incredibly large, incredibly important, and incredibly meaningful. That’s what living is. Loving, breathing, and caring for other people. Without people, without love, nothing makes sense.
Carrie sat across from Michele who was absent mindedly tapping away on her blackberry while rocking her precious two month old, Emme, with her knee in the removable car seat. Michele was ready to get back to work. Her company hoped too she'd soon return. With a deep and somewhat dramatic sigh, Carrie tried to focus her best friend’s attention on something in the present.

“Michele, there is something I need to tell you. I’m in love. For the first time in five years, I am completely sick to my stomach teenager giddy in love.”
Michele stopped rocking the baby, and relaxed her overworked thumbs.

Carrie continued “I have felt this since the day we met, and I can’t shake it. I know he feels it too, or maybe I just hope he does, but there is just too much between us to make it work.”
Michele remembered what someone once told her.
“OK – you are a grown woman, and you understand consequences. If you imagine the worst possible scenario and all the waves you may cause and you are OK with that, then you know what to do.”

Carrie sipped her coffee, happy that she’d not yet been relegated to green tea by pregnancy and motherhood, and inhaled the overwhelming emotion she had to overcome. Losing her job, angering her family, losing her husband, and hurting everyone she knew probably wasn’t the best choice. She didn't actually wish that upon anyone. As a 33 year old woman, she just no longer had the tools to deal with the fantasy of a new romantic love. She wasn’t a teenager anymore after all but he did make her feel that way.

Michele looked at Emme and recognized her father’s eyes. After all they had been through, she was grateful they stood the test of time. For now at least.

“You aren’t alone Carrie, every woman and every man feels this way at some point. It’s not unique; it’s not crazy, it’s not wrong. It isn’t easy though. We are all supposed to fall in love just a few times and then choose a husband or wife. We are all supposed to live happily ever after together without considering other options. There is absolutely no way that’s possible. Every marriage or relationship has its own pulse and pattern. Some work, some don’t. I don’t have the answer, but I know we are all looking for some kind of love.”